I recently posted a video by a former Youtuber Dan Freeman, who went by the name of The Avenue. I don’t know if Dan Freeman is his real name or an alias.
I posted this for a couple of reasons. The first is, the black male/female interpersonal relationship debate playing out on Youtube. Youtube has empowered black men, provided a platform for us to talk about our lives from our perspective. This is mostly a generational thing with men under 45. They are willing to speak in a way that black men of earlier generations were not. But then again they’re the generation most affected by fallout from, The Great Society programs and feminism.
This has caught many by surprise. There are those who believe they own black men (our men), should speak for and about black men; should have the last say on black men. They have been able to control the narrative, shaping and framing it for their convenience. But this is no longer the case and the women are in full damage control mode. They have been unwilling to listen and from what I’ve seen the cognitive dissonance is stunning. One wonders, what came first the delusion or narcissism. They simply cannot image a world where they aren’t at the center.
All through the 80s a lot was said. Black women took advantage of any and every platform that would give them the time of day. Their message, I posit, was to the general public, a mainstream audience. Essentially making the case of, “sees how hard we have it, dealing with black men, I mean you people know right”. They leveraged ever stereotype about black men that they could, in order to garner sympathy favors. They know these stereotypes play well, that the general public is receptive to them. You can say the most asinine thing about black men and people will latch on to it with ease. My gut tells me that this is a strategy by a certain class of black women and a few pandering men they allow to tag along. These men, or simps sit and nod quietly, refusing to speak for their own interest. This sit quietly until they get the ok to speak which is usually an attempt to put the “other’ brothers in check. “Now come on brother, the queens, the queens. We must uplift Black women”. Or, as Jesse Williams said, do better. Please, get the fuck out of here Jesse, your mom is White and you’re trying waaay to hard. Anyway, I believe this class of Black women aspire to be the PMC, Professional Management Class. I came to this notion based on 2 things; the reaction to Obama’s, My Brother’s Keeper Initiative and the argument that the money should go through the women; and an interview featuring Adolph Reed.
The second reason I posted The Avenue’s video is that black women are complaining that black men on Youtube are attacking them. Now of course the black men on Youtube represent a spectrum. It ranges from hard-core to straight forward and everything in between. Will you find some nut cases, of course and they’re being used as deflection. But if you’re willing to cut through the ridiculous, you will find rational positions being articulated. If you can’t listen to The Avenue, then you lack introspection or you’re intellectually dishonest.
There is a third reason. The Avenue’s rant hit home for me and totally captured my experience on a college campus in the 80s. So I wanted to give my on riff on the matter.
So here is my take
I began college in the early 80s. I moved across country, a place that had no diversity at all, to California, a place with people from every corner of the world. At the time I find myself surrounded by women from all parts of the world this general attitude alluded to in The Avenue’s Rant was taking shape.
I simply made a practical logical decision; it wasn’t even a conscious decision. I always had an open-mind and didn’t put limits on myself. It just happened organically because of proximity, the available pool of girls was what it was. I was in a place with very few Black American women, hardly any. I mean you could go for long periods without seeing a Black American woman and if she rolled her eyes and turned away, or simply looked away, it would be a long time before you saw another one. If you considered attractiveness, availability and openness, chance encounters that might lead to something were even scarcer. But there were plenty of Asian, Latin and White women.
When I moved away from that area, to continue my education, there were still plenty of Asian, Latino and White women but now there were Black American women. I looked forward to this because to me, it just added to the options. However, in addition to what The Avenue characterized, which eliminated a number of Black American women as options, there was this other thing going on. I would meet Black American women and if not in the first conversation, shortly thereafter, they would give me what appeared to be a test. They would ask directly or indirectly, if I dated women of other races/cultures. When I answered in the affirmative that I don’t discriminate, they would bounce. Black American women were the only ones concerned about the racial make up of my dating history. Even Black women from other countries did not do this, only Black American women.
This wasn’t a problem to me because again, there were women from other races/cultures who were accessible and to be frank, more approachable and available. What I liked about them was their openness to get to know me as an individual. What I didn’t miss was the, “I know how you Black men are” attitude. I mean who wants to start on probation, who wants to attempt to prove a negative; that I’m not something? I never swore off Black American women, I don’t believe in limiting my options but as time passed, American Black women became less and less a part of the rotation. They weren’t missed; I wasn’t having any trouble at all. So given the general attitude from American Black women, that odd question I was getting and their reaction, I essentially voted with my feet. Unless it was extremely convenient, I didn’t go out of my way, after a while they were completely missing and I felt less and less of an urge to even engage. Now, if they were Black women from a foreign country they were fair game.
So you go your own way, do your thing quietly and all is good. No need to trash American Black women, what’s the point, my dating/love life was moving along nicely. Oh but it wasn’t that easy, they won’t let you go away quietly. I encountered bad attitudes, bad service, even refused service and; women who believe it was their duty to let me know how they felt. I mean they actually believe they had the right, the jurisdiction to “check” me.
So fast forward to today, this interpersonal debate, what I’m hearing from American Black women about interracial dating and marriage (that’s reserved for the men, for themselves well it’s something new) is mostly a convenient lie. It was the women who shaped the attitude in the Black community about interracial dating. It was the women who led the charge, created and drove the memes of “yo momma black”, “self-hate”, “weak ass niggas”, etc., etc.
So I had to chime in and add my experience to the mix. First, this idea that they are the point of departure, something must have happened; again this inability to image a world where they aren’t at the center. Point of departure, maybe you weren’t even considered. All a Black man has to do is open his options and most Black women eliminate themselves. Also, this notion that if you see a Black man with a woman of another race, it means he loves ALL the women of that race and that it’s the only race he’s interested in just silly and small-minded. At one point I was hanging out with a chic from Norway, visiting for about 6 months; and, overlapping that, hanging with a chic from West Africa. So much for the color “color-struck” argument, but again, small minds, they spend most of their time in a safe echo chamber and don’t get out much. In the echo chamber they create all these rules and when they emerge, they’re mugged by reality.
Converse a case study analogy
Nike came on the scene and instead of evolving and adapting Converse shrugged arrogantly (or, poked out their lips, rolled their eyes) and said, “We’re Converse we don’t have to change or compete.
In the American Black woman echo chamber the sentiment was, we’re the shit, been the shit, where else are they gonna go. They exhaled for anyone with a mic or camera. The guys heard how they felt and quietly, without fanfare, voted with their feet. Time passed, the women looked over their shoulders and no one was there. Some guys opted out, others found the retail world of women; they come in all shapes, sizes and colors (plus the DR and Rio) and discovered sweetness. Having tasted sweetness there is no turning back. Most American Black women born after about 1970 don’t have the DNA. The ones that do are off the market by their late 20s. The others double down with a weird mating call, browbeating. Now, the “Only thing on the menu is crow!” This is what the unraveling looks like, got my popcorn.